My Testimony by Ruth VanSchuyver
The attitude of pleasing ourselves, well, I call it pride of doing things my way. I was a very self-centered person in my earlier walk with Jesus. I knew I was a good person in a lot of ways, but I was NOT a good Christian in a lot of ways. No matter how much the preacher taught on things we should or should not be doing...well, I wasn’t going to listen to the pastor telling me what to do from up there in that pulpit.
Probably one of the hardest things to admit to myself was that I had pride; but, oh how I hated pity. I prayed and prayed, but really...deep down in my heart...I didn’t want to let go of things of the world. I still thought it was okay to do everything I’d always done. Then God stopped me, right in my tracks. Many know I had cancer, but what most don’t know is that cancer is humiliating, disgusting, so degrading to your appearance, and makes you feel you’re not part of the human world. I didn’t want to live, because it meant I had to look in the mirror, and also see the pity in people’s faces every day.
My husband wouldn’t leave me alone; he hugged me all day and all night..."You won’t give up; you have too much to live for." It still wasn’t enough. Some of my family walked away from me, as though I were contagious. Most of the time I sat or lay down and just looked at one spot somewhere. Though I knew I should be doing other things, I couldn’t respond to anything.
When chemo was started, I was terrified. Had it been possible, I wouldn’t have gone through it. My kids found it easier to stay away than to have to try so hard not to cry in front of me. My daughter carried the load; she heard the cries at night, washed the sickness away, sometimes stayed awake nearly all night and then went to school the next morning. I woke up one morning, and there was no hair; that hurt me worse than anything. When you have pride, you feel that people are pitying you; but when you have God, you can accept the love and support of those who love you. It couldn’t help but grow faith inside of me. It changed me, taught me pride had no part in a Christian’s life.
When I couldn’t even pray, my guardian angels–my church family–prayed for me. They interceded, praying for God to give me comfort and strength...through chemo, through losing my hair, through the long nights of sickness and fears. They called, wrote letters, wrote checks, brought food, wouldn’t leave me alone. Nonstop, around the clock, for nine months, my church family and my own family kept me alive.
Told to keep my Bible beside me, no matter where I was, it came to represent the presence of God--that He’d be with me always. That Bible even went to chemo treatments with us. And it wasn’t long until I could see that prayers were being answered. I had so much support and love from their prayers. I couldn’t feel, but they felt for me. I had no hope, but they had hope for me. Our church is a church mission that the world can’t understand; but we understand through God’s wonderful love. Those guardian angels are still there. You see, the cards, phone calls, and prayers are still coming; years later.
For prayer or a free Home Bible Study, contact the
Paoli Pentecostal Church at (405) 484-7200
